It may seem peachy, but there are some days when I get sad and wonder what my life could've been like. It was hard being in Korea this last time because I got to see how close my birth family was without me. It was like being gone for a really long time and coming back to find yourself out of the loop--only worse. I couldn't understand a damn thing they said, but I guess that's apart of going back.
I will tell you a couple of more things, and then I'll wrap it up for real!
The funny thing about college is that I really wanted to meet other Korean people. What a joke. Most of them do not like me because they say I am "white washed" a "banana". At first, it really hurt my feelings, but I got over it really fast. Most of them didn't like me because I joined a sorority and didn't have a desire to hang out with them. Of course, don't get me wrong. I do have Asian and Korean friends, but the overall experience has been interesting. I think that the most important lesson I have learned is that I have to be me. Even thought my life could've been drastically different in Korea or I could've tried really hard to be more "ethnic", I am still just me. Michelle. You know? A Korean peer said to me once, "How many Korean girls are in your house?" I replied, "Three." He said, "I bet you guys think you're really ethnically diverse then, huh?" I wanted to say,"How ethnically diverse are you? You sit around with all of your hanguk chingus and speak hangulmal and call people like me whitewashed." Of course, I didn't say that, but that was my feeling of it. I think it is really important for adoptees to know themselves as Michelle or Amy or whoever they are. I met an adoptee on one of my tours who had her Korean name tattooed on her shoulder. All of her friends in Pennsylvania called her by her Korean name. However, when she was in Korea, she refused to go with the tour to see sights like the fish market in Pusan or Pyongtaek, the unwed mother home ran by Eastern. She instead, got wasted at night and slept during the day. Good thing she went to Korea to do the same thing she could've done in America. (Although night clubs in Korea are very interesting.) To each his own, but I think it is most helpful for adoptees to be confident and accepting in the fact that they are adoptees. Korea will not solve anything. Only the adoptee can make himself happy. A search, a trip, or going to camps will not offer completeness or happiness.
Anyway, I am sorry this is so long, but hopefully you can use the info I have sent. I wanted to write a long email so that you could refer to it and not have to go back and forth alot. But please email me for more info, I promise it won't be a novel like this one. I really don't like to hear myself type (talk, same thing). But I hope this will be useful.
Where should I send the pictures?
Sorry again for the longevity...
Michelle Sherwood
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