Her passport said she was Cha Jung Hee. She knew she was not. So began a 40-year deception for a Korean adoptee who came to the United States in 1966. Told to keep her true identity secret from her new American family, the 8-year-old girl quickly forgot she had ever been anyone else. But why had her identity been switched? And who was the real Cha Jung Hee? The feature length (63-minute) film In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee depicts Deann Borshay Liem’s search to find the answers. In this follow-up to First Person Plural (POV 2000), the filmmaker returns to her native Korea to find her “double,” the mysterious girl whose place she took in the United States. Traversing the landscapes of memory and identity, Liem uncovers layers of misinformation in her adoption as she probes the cost of living with someone else’s identity.
WO AI NI MOMMY
Wo Ai Ni (I Love You) Mommy, a feature-length (76-minute) documentary, follows the Sadowskys, a Jewish family from Long Island, New York, as they journey to China to adopt 8-year-old Fang Sui Yong. Sui Yong’s is not an entirely unique story. There are now approximately 70,000 Chinese adoptees being raised in the United States. What is unusual here, however, is that viewers witness Sui Yong’s first encounters with her new parents and her sometimes unsettling shift from being Chinese to identifying herself as an American.
This film is an honest and intimate portrait of loss and gain. As an outreach tool it raises important questions about cultural preservation, transracial and international adoption, parenting, family and what it means to be an American, what it means to be Chinese and what it means to be white.
OFF AND RUNNING
The challenges of soul-searching and growth are magnified when one’s personal story includes multiple heritages. Off and Running, a feature-length (76-minute) film, documents one such story. With white Jewish lesbians for parents and two adopted brothers — one mixed-race and one Korean — Brooklyn track star Avery grew up in a unique and loving household. But when, as a teenager, she becomes increasingly curious about her African-American roots, she decides to contact her birth mother. This choice propels Avery into a complicated exploration of race, identity and family that threatens to distance her from her parents. She starts skipping school and staying away from home, risking her shot at the college track career that had long been her dream. But when Avery decides to pick up the pieces of her life and make sense of her identity, the results are inspiring.
Off and Running follows Avery to the brink of adulthood, exploring the strength of family bonds and the lengths some people must go to become themselves.
NEXT: Workshop for Adoptees
Introduction
Created by POV, in collaboration with our Adoption Stories Advisory Board and the Adoption Stories filmmakers, these video modules are an invitation to dialogue. These clips from POV's Adoption Stories (Off and Running, In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee and Wo Ai Ni Mommy) were chosen as discussion tools to engage adoptees, adoptive parents and adoption professionals in important conversation around the various issues and situations they all face. It is our vision that participants will use these clips and the accompanying questions to listen and learn from one another, rather than to debate or judge. We invite participants to expand their thinking and to share their point of view.
For more detailed event planning and facilitation tips, visit the Outreach section of this website.
A Note About Facilitation
The clips and discussion prompts were chosen to address a range of situations and issues. If a clip or question doesn't seem to fit the needs of your group, try the next one. Clips can be viewed in any order and in any combination, except where noted.
As your group convenes, think about how you can set a tone that invites respect, honesty and reflection. You may want to remind people that everyone's story is unique and important, and the experiences of each person in the group, as well as the people featured in the clips, can provide valuable insights.
You may or may not be the best person to facilitate, especially if you have multiple responsibilities for your event. Also, if you are particularly invested in a topic, it might be wise to ask someone more neutral to guide the discussion. If you are looking for someone else to facilitate, university professors, human resource professionals and youth leaders may be specially trained in facilitation and can be excellent resources. In addition to these local resources, groups such as Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute or the National Conference for Community & Justice may be able to provide or help you locate skilled facilitators.
Be sure that your facilitator receives a copy of this guide well in advance of your event!
NEXT: The Films
The Films
THE FILMS
To help you answer basic questions that may arise during discussion, here is a bit of background on the films. You can find extended descriptions of each film and background material on the central issues raised in each film on the POV website by clicking on the film titles below.
IN THE MATTER OF CHA JUNG HEE
WO AI NI MOMMY
This film is an honest and intimate portrait of loss and gain. As an outreach tool it raises important questions about cultural preservation, transracial and international adoption, parenting, family and what it means to be an American, what it means to be Chinese and what it means to be white.
OFF AND RUNNING
Off and Running follows Avery to the brink of adulthood, exploring the strength of family bonds and the lengths some people must go to become themselves.
NEXT: Workshop for Adoptees
Adoptees
Download the discussion guide.
WORKSHOP FOR ADOPTEES
GENERAL QUESTIONS
(can be used with any clip and any audience to get the discussion going)
• Was there anything in the clip that "spoke truth" to you?
• How was what you saw like or unlike your own experience?
• What question(s) did this clip raise for you?
CLIP 1: WAR SHAPED MY DESTINY
(In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee)
Topics: Policy, Emotions
• Deann says, "I feel I'm not supposed to question the charity that determined my fate, but I cannot help but wonder about the motivations for my adoption." What role did an agency play in your adoption? What role do you think agencies should play? Have you ever struggled with issues around gratitude? How did you handle that?
• The clip shows that a lot of people were involved in Deann's adoption, from agencies and governments to individual employees and family members. Do you know who made the decisions in your adoption? The adoption agency/orphanage? A government organization? Do you think your birth parents had any say? What about your adoptive parents? At what age do you think a child's opinion should be considered?
CLIP 2: MY BIRTH MOTHER'S HISTORY
(In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee)
Topics: Relations with Birth Parents, Emotions
• How did you feel when Deann said: "I've never felt critical of my mother for giving me up. But for some reason during her visit, an unexpected anger welled up in me. I realized there was a mutual betrayal: She'd given me up for adoption and I betrayed my entire family by forgetting them." How is this like or unlike your own experience, both in relation to your birth and your adoptive families?
• Deann's anger is mitigated by learning about her mother's personal history. What do you know about your birth parents' experiences and how does what you know influence your feelings towards them?
** CLIP 3: I'LL TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE
(Off and Running)
Topics: Relations with Birth Parents, Identity
• In contacting her birth mother, Avery takes a risk that she won't receive a response. Why do you think it is so important to her to receive a reply to her letter? Her brother Rafi says that if she doesn't hear anything that "really nothing has changed, has it?" Do you agree with Rafi? If not, what do you think will change for Avery? Why do you think it is hard for her family to understand her anxiety?
• Avery explains that she wants to know "who I am, who my birth parents are. I want to know where I come from, family background, more than what I have..." What was your reaction to Tova (Avery's mom) when she said, "I'm gonna tell you exactly who you are..." Why do you think Tova responded that way? If you were in Avery's shoes, how would you have wanted your adoptive family members to respond?
• How do you define who you are? What role does the identity of your birth family play in your construction of who you are? What role does your adoptive family play? What have, or could, your birth and/or adoptive families do to help you integrate who you are?
• Have you ever thought about writing, or have written, a letter to your birth parents? What did you want them to know about you? What did you want to ask? What did you ask? Did you get a response? Was it what you expected? Was it helpful? Did it raise more questions?
** CLIP 4: LUNCH WITH OLD FRIENDS & CLIP 5: DINNER WITH NEW FRIENDS
(Off and Running)
Topics: Race, Identity, Friends, Transracial Adoption
• What do Avery's friends do or say that provides support or comfort? What do they do or say that makes things more difficult or uncomfortable for Avery?
• What do or don't Avery's Jewish friends understand about her being black? What do or don't her black friends understand about her being Jewish? With one foot in two very different worlds, what is the potential for someone like Avery to bridge worlds or increase mutual understanding? Does she have a responsibility to do so?
• How do you think Avery felt when her friend at the pizza parlor asked if she feels safe at Erasmus High School? How about when her friend at the dinner party called her an "Oreo"? If you could write the perfect script, what would Avery's responses have been to those comments?
• Avery describes the experience of being the only black kid in her class at Hannah Senesh School. Have you ever experienced being asked to represent your entire race or religion? What did it feel like? What might have made it easier?
• When Avery talks to her friend Isaiah about being "cool" with her parents, she was referring to the fact that she has two moms. What does this add to her identity? What does it add to the challenges she faces?
• Avery says, "I am very new to black culture and I don't fully understand it. And I'm learning a lot from my friends, and they're helping me out because they know I have no idea." What is the difference between learning your culture from your friends and learning it from your parents? Where did you learn about your cultural or racial heritage?
• Avery ends the segment saying that as she begins to express the African-American side of her identity, her moms "don't really seem to fit into that part of my life." Can you think of anything that her moms could have done (or could do) that would help them fit into that part of her life?
• What do you learn from Avery's situation about interracial adoption? Do you think it matters which races are involved (e.g., what if Avery had been Asian or Latina, or if her parents were not white)?
• Did you learn anything from Avery's situation that is instructive for your own life?
CLIP 6: IT ALL BLOWS UP
(Off and Running)
Topics: Identity, Parent/Child Conflict, Relations with Birth Parents, Transracial Adoption]
• How is Avery's search for her identity affected by the fact that she is African-American and her adoptive parents are white?
• As all teenagers transition to adulthood they separate from their parents and form their own identities. What makes Avery's situation different from the average teenager's? In what ways is her situation the same?
CLIP 7: FIRST MEETING
(Wo Ai Ni Mommy)
Topics: International Adoption
• Do you remember first meeting your adoptive parents? What was it like? How did it compare to Faith's experience? What did you most want to know about your new family? What did you want them to know about you? What was the biggest challenge or fear? The biggest joy?
• How do language barriers change the dynamic of a first meeting? How about leaving the country and culture of your birth to live in another country? What do you think the adults in this situation did well in terms of easing Faith's transition? If you had been in Faith's shoes, what would you have wanted them to do differently? What did your adoptive family do that was helpful? Could the adoption professionals have done something different that would have made your transition easier?
• What do you think about Faith's parents giving her an American name rather than continuing to use her Chinese name? Is there a special meaning or story behind your name?
CLIP 8: LEARNING ENGLISH
(Wo Ai Ni Mommy)
Topics: Identity, International Adoption, Transracial Adoption, Intercultural Adoption
• What role does an adoptee's age play in transitioning to a new family? How might Faith's experience have been different if she had been adopted as a baby?
• Drawing from your own experience (if you were old enough to remember your culture of origin) what changes, other than language, is Faith going to have to adapt to? Which of these changes are/were the easiest or the most difficult for you? Were all the changes reasonable, or did some seem unfair? If you had been with Faith in that hotel room, what advice would you have offered her? What advice would you have offered Donna?
CLIP 9: I WANT TO GO HOME
(Wo Ai Ni Mommy)
Topics: International Adoption, Parenting
• Donna and Jeff have to strike a balance between understanding the ways that Faith copes with her transition and helping her learn family rules. Where do you think you would draw that line? Should the rules be different for Faith? Why or why not?
• If you have siblings, did you see anything familiar in this scene? How did you learn to get along with your siblings when you were young, and what did your parents do to help? What could Donna and Jeff do to make the transition easier for Faith and her siblings?
• How do you think you would respond to Faith if she told you that she wanted to go back to China?
CLIP 10: MEETING WITH A COUNSELOR
(Wo Ai Ni Mommy)
Topics: Interracial Adoption, International Adoption, Intercultural Adoption, Identity
• Dr. Baden says that she has worked with kids who say that their family picture looked perfect except for them, because they looked so different than everyone else. Do you have a picture like that? What do you think about when you look at it? What specific things can parents do to make a child feel like part of the family when the child doesn't physically resemble other members of that family?
• Donna's answer to Faith's query about why they adopted a Chinese girl is that "we didn't see you as being Chinese." Dr. Baden points out that this makes sense to them, but not necessarily to Faith. Why wouldn't it make sense to Faith? How would you feel if your parents said they really didn't see an important part of your identity?
• What do you learn from Dr. Baden about the challenges of interracial, international, and/or intercultural adoption? What do you think about her responses to Donna and Jeff's comments? Does she seem to be on target or would you have responded differently?
NEXT: Workshop for Adoptive Parents
Adoptive Parents
Download the discussion guide.
WORKSHOP FOR ADOPTIVE PARENTS
GENERAL QUESTIONS
(can be used with any clip and any audience to get the discussion going)
• Was there anything in the clip that "spoke truth" to you?
• How was what you saw like or unlike your own experience?
• What question(s) did this clip raise for you?
CLIP 1: WAR SHAPED MY DESTINY
(In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee)
Topics: International Adoption
• What do you learn from this clip about how the ravages of war or natural disaster affect adoptions? How confident would you be / have you been about adopting in such a situation? Do you feel there were appropriate safeguards when you adopted? Why or why not?
• Korean adoptions began out of a sense of post-war responsibility but also on a flawed assumption that any child would be happier in the U.S. than in Korea. Have you seen that assumption present in other situations? In your view, is it a useful foundation for the adoption process? Why or why not?
CLIP 2: MY BIRTH MOTHER'S HISTORY
(In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee)
Topics: Relations with Birth Parents, Emotions
• How much do you know about the life story of your child's birth family? How much of that information have you shared (or do you intend to share) with your child? What information is most important for a child to know about their family's history and why? If you have already shared that information, what was the response? What are you most concerned about in sharing your child's history? What do you plan on telling your child about information you do not have?
** CLIP 3: I'LL TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE
(Off and Running)
Topics: Relations with Birth Parents
• What's your reaction to the response of Avery's mothers to Avery's attempt to contact her birth mother? What would your own response be, or what has your response been in the past?
• What do you think Avery heard when Tova said, "I'm gonna tell you exactly who you are..."? What do you think Avery might have wanted to hear her family say? ? If your child had questions about who he/she was, who would you tell them they are?
** CLIP 4: LUNCH WITH OLD FRIENDS & CLIP 5: DINNER WITH NEW FRIENDS
(Off and Running)
Topics: Interracial Adoption
• What did you learn from these clips about the challenges of interracial adoption? Given that race matters in the U.S., how do you acknowledge its importance? Do you think it could be divisive within a family? Why or why not? What could you do to prevent this from happening?
• Avery says that she doesn't know how to be black. In your view, did her parents have a responsibility to introduce her to that part of her heritage before she reached adolescence? Why or why not? What might they have done to make Avery as comfortable with her African-American heritage, as well as her Jewish heritage? How do you describe your family's cultural makeup or heritage?
• Avery's black friends call her an "oreo." What does that label mean and how would you characterize its impact? How does that make you feel?
• At the end of the dinner with her black friends, Avery says of her moms, "I don't feel like they understand who I am, how I feel, or anything about the world that I'm in right now." Avery also says that as she begins to identify with her African-American side her moms "don't really seem to fit into that part of my life." In your view, how much of this sentiment is a typical expression of adolescence, how much is specific to adopted children, and how much is specific to the fact that Avery is black and her mothers are white?
CLIP 6: IT ALL BLOWS UP
(Off and Running)
Topics: Relations with Birth Parents, Parenting, Identity
• Avery is confused about her parents' reaction to her finding her birth family. Which of their actions seemed to communicate that they were supportive and which indicated that they were hurt? What emotions does the possibility (or actuality) of your child contacting their birth parents raise for you?
• Tova expresses anger at the way that Avery is being treated by her birth mother. Do you think this is a typical reaction of an adoptive parent? Why or why not? Have you dealt with (or how would you deal with) a situation in which you did not approve of a birth parent's relationship with your child?
• Clearly Avery's mothers say they love her to the point that they "would do anything for this kid." But Avery says she felt like she "had nobody." Why do you think that was? What are the sources of Avery's isolation from her mothers and what strategies might have helped them bridge the gap? What would you do to reassure your child that you are always available to them? Was there ever a situation in which you could not be "there for them"? What emotions did that raise for you and what did you do?
• Tova says, "She's just making this whole thing so difficult for herself." In your view, is that a fair assessment of Avery's struggle? Why or why not? If not, what is Tova failing to see about her daughter's journey?
• Travis says, "It's like something really traumatic happened to her, but I don't think anything did." What was your reaction to this? In Avery's search for her identity, what might she have described as traumatic, and why? How do you think Travis's reaction affects Avery?
CLIP 7: FIRST MEETING
(Wo Ai Ni Mommy)
Topics: International Adoption
• How was this similar to or different from your initial meeting with your child?
• What were Faith's major concerns? Did any of these concerns surprise you?
• What did you learn about intercultural adoption from Faith's questions?
• How do you think adopting an eight-year-old differs from adopting a baby?
• In your view, was Donna well prepared for this initial encounter? If you were Donna, what else might you have wanted to know before meeting your daughter? What role did the orphanage coordinator play in easing this transition or making it more difficult? Do you think something else could have been done?
• How did you feel about how Faith was introduced to her new name? Did you re-name your adopted child(ren)? Why was keeping their name or giving them a new name important to you? How do our names link us to our families and our heritage?
CLIP 8: LEARNING ENGLISH
(Wo Ai Ni Mommy)
Topics: Parenting, International Adoptions, Emotions
• Donna worries that Faith resents having to learn English and thinks Donna should learn Chinese. Should she? Why or why not?
• How strict should Donna be in keeping Faith on task? How do you balance establishing yourself as the parent and showing compassion about the enormous changes that Faith is being asked to adapt to? How do you prepare your child for a world where nobody around them speaks their language? Do you get a translator?
• When Faith says the task is hard because "You are a foreigner and I am Chinese" what do you think she meant? What might her concerns have been? What might Donna have said to Faith in response?
• What do you think Donna wanted Faith to feel at that moment? What do you think that Faith actually felt?
CLIP 9: I WANT TO GO HOME
(Wo Ai Ni Mommy)
Topics: International Adoptions, Parenting
• How would you respond to Faith's desire to return to China?
• How would you deal with enforcing house rules in a way that demonstrated an understanding of the tough transition that Faith is experiencing and the added frustration of not yet having the language skills to "use her words."
CLIP 10: MEETING WITH A COUNSELOR
(Wo Ai Ni Mommy)
Topics: Interracial Adoption, International Adoption, Intercultural Adoption, Identity
• Dr. Baden voices a common question that children involved in international or transracial adoption ask: Why would you really want a child so different from yourselves (who doesn't look like you, speak your language, or have the same cultural experiences)? What would you say if your child asked you that question?
• Donna's response to Faith's question about why they chose to adopt a Chinese girl was to say that they don't really see her as Chinese. What are all the possible messages that Faith might take away from this answer? How do you think Donna's response makes Faith feel?
• Dr. Baden notes that race is a very different thing than cultural practices (e.g., Jeff's references to Yo Yo Ma or martial arts). What is the distinction? How can families involved in transracial or intercultural adoptions go beyond these cultural connections? Do you think it is beneficial for a child to attend cultural activities? Should the family attend, as well? Why or why not?
• Dr. Baden says, "White parents don't have a real history of talking about race in the same way [as parents of color] because they haven't had to. It's not been something that they have had a practice of having to talk about." Under what circumstances have you had an opportunity to talk about race with your child? Why might it be important for parents who plan to adopt transracially to have that conversation? How does racial awareness benefit the child? Benefit adoptive parents?
• Jeff thinks it is a huge help to Faith to have a Chinese sister. In your view, what difference would it make to have a sibling that looked like you?
• Dr. Baden says that she has worked with kids who say that their family picture looked perfect except for them, because they looked so different from everyone else. Have you had this experience in your family? What specific things can parents do to make a child feel like part of the family when the child doesn't physically resemble other members of that family? Do you feel like Dr. Baden's comments were helpful to the Sadowskys?
NEXT: Workshop for Practitioners
Practitioners
Download the discussion guide.
WORKSHOP FOR PRACTITIONERS
GENERAL QUESTIONS
(can be used with any clip and any audience to get the discussion going)
• Was there anything in the clip that "spoke truth" to you?
• How was what you saw like or unlike your own experience?
• What question(s) did this clip raise for you?
CLIP 1: WAR SHAPED MY DESTINY
(In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee)
Topics: Policy, Emotions
• What insights does Deann's experience offer about adoptions from countries that have been ravaged by war or natural disasters? What would constitute "best practice" in helping orphaned children from places experiencing societal instability? Do you feel there are effective safeguards currently in place for international adoption? What else could be done?
• What do you learn from this clip about identity formation and the importance of having accurate information about who you are and where you came from?
• In this instance, is American paternalism an appropriate response, or is it based on a flawed assumption that that any child would be happier in the U.S. than in Korea? Have you seen that assumption present in other situations? In your view, is it a useful foundation for the adoption process? Why or why not?
• What part does "business" play in the adoption process? Does this sway the "best interest of the child"?
CLIP 2: MY BIRTH MOTHER'S HISTORY
(In the Matter of Cha Jung Hee)
Topics: Relations with Birth Parents, Emotions
• In your view, should the United States require extra recordkeeping for international adoptions so that birth families could locate children who have been adopted? Should there be different regulations for children placed voluntarily versus those where parental ties have been severed due to abuse or neglect? Why or why not?
• What are the ethics of facilitating adoptions of children from economically disadvantaged countries? Whose interests are best served by Americans offering to adopt rather than offering economic assistance to widows and their families so they can raise their own children in Korea?
** CLIP 3: I'LL TELL YOU WHO YOU ARE
(Off and Running)
Topics: Relations with Birth Parents, Identity
• How would you counsel each of the people involved in this clip?
- Avery, who is worried that her birth mother will reject her.
- Tova, who is trying to be supportive by telling her daughter "exactly who you are."
- Avery's brother Rafi, who doesn't really understand Avery's choice, which is different from his own.
• In general, how can you help families work through the issues that arise when a child wants to contact a birth parent? Do you have feelings that impede your helping them do so? How do you deal with your own feelings?
** CLIP 4: LUNCH WITH OLD FRIENDS & CLIP 5: DINNER WITH NEW FRIENDS
(Off and Running)
Topics: Race, Identity, Friends, Transracial Adoption
• What issues do these clips raise about identity formation in transracial adoptions?
• How much of Avery's struggle to find her identity is an inevitable part of adolescence and how much is unique to being adopted?
• What things could Avery's family have done while Avery was growing up that might have eased her identity crisis? What is the responsibility of an adoptive family to embrace a child's culture and what support mechanisms would help them do that?
• Given the history of race in the United States, is there something unique about white parents adopting black children, or would the same issues be present in any transracial adoptive family?
• Do you think that families are given the resources to adequately prepare for adopting across racial lines? Why or why not? What else could be done to assist them before or after the adoption?
• When Avery talks to her friend Isaiah about him being "cool" with her parents, she is referring to the fact that she has two moms. What does this add to her identity? Does it add to the challenges she faces? If so, in what ways?
CLIP 6: IT ALL BLOWS UP
(Off and Running)
Topics: Identity, Parent/Child Conflict, Relations with Birth Parents, Transracial Adoption]
• How would you respond to Tova's observation that Avery is "just making the whole thing so difficult for herself." Why do you think Tova feels this way? How would you respond to Travis' comment that "It's like something really traumatic happened to her, but I don't think anything did." Why do you think Travis feels this way? What supports or services might have been helpful for this family?
• How might you help Tova deal with her anger towards Avery's birth mother?
CLIP 7: FIRST MEETING
(Wo Ai Ni Mommy)
Topics: International Adoption
• What do you learn from this clip about the concerns of adoptee children when they are taken away from their country and culture?
• What do you learn from this clip about the things that adoptive parents need to do to prepare for an international adoption? How does that preparation differ from adoptions that are not international, intercultural, and/or interracial?
• One of the first things that Sui Yong learns is that she will be addressed by a different name: Faith. In international adoptions, what are the pros and cons of replacing a child's given name with an American name? How do our given names serve as expressions of our heritage and family history?
• If you were the supervisor of the orphanage coordinator, how would you evaluate the coordinator's work in facilitating Faith's adoption?
• What do you think was most helpful to Faith and Donna in forming their bond?
CLIP 8: LEARNING ENGLISH
(Wo Ai Ni Mommy)
Topics: Identity, International Adoption, Transracial Adoption, Intercultural Adoption
• Evaluate Donna's "drill and practice" method of introducing English vocabulary, not in terms of how effective it might be for helping Faith learn English, but for how it made Faith feel. What types of activities might have eased both Donna's and Faith's stress and still helped Faith begin to learn the basics of a new culture and language?
• Should adopting families learn their child's language? Why or why not? How might this affect the child and families adjustment?
• If you could write international adoption policies that would make things easier for children in China (or other countries) who need parents, what would those policies be? Would they include age limits? Requirements to help children stay in their country of origin before making them eligible for adoption? What else?
CLIP 9: I WANT TO GO HOME
(Wo Ai Ni Mommy)
Topics: International Adoption, Parenting
• Faith is eight, and clearly needs to be subject to family rules and discipline, but she is also going through a difficult upheaval in her life. How much leeway would you give her in terms of "acting out" behaviors, especially given her limited English proficiency? What supports would you have liked to see provided to the Sadowskys to help them with situations like the one presented in the clip?
• When Faith encounters difficulties, she insists that she wants to return to China. How would you advise families to deal with a child who wants to return to their birth country or family? What are some initial response lines that a parent might use that do not devalue a child's feelings or their birth culture?
• When things get rough, sometimes families reconsider their decision to adopt? How would you counsel a family who is considering disrupting the adoption?
• Faith wants to see her "Guangzhou sister" (a foster sister and playmate) back in China. Do you think this is a good idea? What are the potential benefits and drawbacks of such contact?
• Donna acknowledges that things are going to be difficult for Faith for awhile. Is there a point at which the difficulty of learning to live in another culture outweighs the benefits of adoption?
• Compare this American family's experience adopting a child from China's child welfare system with an American family adopting from the U.S. child welfare system. From the child's perspective, which do you think are the differences?
CLIP 10: MEETING WITH A COUNSELOR
(Wo Ai Ni Mommy)
Topics: Interracial Adoption, International Adoption, Intercultural Adoption, Identity
• What did you think of Dr. Baden's responses to:
- Jeff's statement that Faith asked he and his wife why they wanted a Chinese daughter
- Donna's answer to Faith that "we didn't see you as being Chinese; we saw you as a beautiful girl who needed a family."
- Jeff's speculation that when Faith "comes home, her sister is also Asian. I think it is a huge help to the two of them."
What would have been your responses?
• Jeff, a white, Jewish American, struggles to embrace Chinese culture beyond Bruce Lee and Yo Yo Ma. How can you help families involved in transracial or intercultural adoptions go beyond these connections?
• Dr. Baden notes that white parents who have adopted transracially "don't have a real history of talking about race in the same way because they haven't had to. It's not been something that they have had practice talking about." How could you provide opportunities to talk about race to white parents considering transracial adoptions? What do you think they would or should learn from those conversations?
• Dr. Baden says that she has worked with kids who say that their family picture looked perfect except for them, because they looked so different from everyone else. What specific things can parents do to make a child feel like part of the family when the child doesn't physically resemble other members of that family? Do you think Dr. Baden gave the Sadowskys good advice?
• Is there pre-adoption training this family should have received or post adoption supports that would have been helpful? What would it consist of?
• What do you think is the long term prognosis for this family? Why?
• Is there training you would like that would make it easier to work with families adopting internationally? If so, what would it consist of?