Julie shares her experiences of raising her daughter Corrie to feel good about the way she looks and feels.

Suddenly I find myself at a loss when asked to talk about body image. The subject that seems so uncomplicated has made me pause and think about what it really means. There are, it seems, many layers of body image.

One layer of body image has to do with outside appearance. "How do I look today, Mom?" Corrie asks, when she is in kindergarten. "Faaabuuulous," I respond.

At 11 when the topic of brassieres comes up and I stand back and look differently at my daughter. She tells me her friends are wearing them. It is the first time I have looked at Corrie but see myself. So, we shop for bras and talk about puberty.

At this same time I wrote in my journal, "We are mirror images of each other. She tilts her head slightly to the left, I to the right. We have matching birth marks that also mirror the other." This irony does not escape me. As we are so connected visually we are connected emotionally, spiritually, physically.

It is important not to confuse the two of us. She is Corrie, and I am Julie.

If I am honest with myself I say that in talking about image it is more about teaching self-respect, integrity, internal values that cannot be measured by outward apparel. This translates into behavior that is more about being rather than doing.

HAIR AND CLOTHES, OH MY!

As Corrie progressed through her teen years, issues arose that I hadn't counted on. Though I do remember coloring my hair red, then black, I didn't feel courageous (brazen?) enough to cut it all off or to really go against the grain. My feeling about hair has always been that it grows back. When Corrie decided to shave her head I had to stand back and count to 10 so I wouldn't say anything to hurt her. It wasn't my favorite of all her coiffures. Nor was I crazy about the purple or, as I think about it now, the bright red wasn't that pretty, either. However, it does grow out and what I do know is that my relationship with her is something that lasts for our whole lives, hair color fades. Did I ever say anything about her hair? Oh sure. "That's ever such an interesting shade of pink, Corrie. How long until it grows out?"

Clothes were not so much the issue Ð as long as she would dress up for nice dinners out with Grandma and Grandpa, church services, weddings and funerals.

ACNE AND ALL THAT

How do I make my daughter feel good about what she looks like when her face is betraying her? Since this is something I didn't have to grapple with as a teenager it was hard for me to understand how personal an issue this was for her. Though Corrie didn't say too much about it at the time, I know that it was hard for her to have acne at 14 years-of-age. Corrie's pediatrician was very sensitive to her situation and found medication that helped a lot. Listening was sometimes the only thing I could offer.

NOT BELONGING TO THE 'CLEAN YOUR PLATE' CLUB

Food has been another thing I would not bring to the battleground. My kids have always been used to eating healthy foodÑheavy on fruits and vegetables and light on sweets. When Corrie became a vegetarian for six months during her junior year we, as a family, tried to be sensitive to what she would eat (not that it was that big of a stretch for us, but it was important to her at the time).

I grew up in a post-depression family where food played an important role and we had to finish all of our food because of "the poor starving children overseas." No matter what was served, my six brothers and sisters had to finish everything on our plates before we could go out to play.

Eat if you're hungry and stop when you've had enough, I tell my kids. As long as they eat healthy meals (and we do eat dinner together as a family every evening), I'm not going to make that an issue. Dropping Corrie off at her high school in the mornings, looking at all of the scrawny, under-fed 15 year olds, made me not want an anorexic teenage daughter.

I always hate to talk about the things that I have done right in raising my daughter, because for every issue that was resolved or addressed well, there are others that I could have done a better job at handling. I am happy that my kids feel good about who they are as long as they hold a good portion of humility close by.